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Speed dating and heavy metal seem wholly antithetical to one another. This may be why the juxtaposition was so beguiling to the whopping 74 people who recently flocked to Brooklyn’s heavy-metal mecca Saint Vitus for a speed-metal speed-dating event. On a Sunday. So what happens when dozens of people hungry for love spend an evening immersed in a world of casual Satanism and blistering bass lines? Two intrepid Thrillist writers, unbeknownst to one another, attended to find out. That said, I always thought speed dating was just some ridiculous trope invented purely for romantic comedies when the characters need an outlandish situation to crash. But it was my lack of metal expertise that was more intimidating. It’s not that I don’t like the genre — I’ve been known to throw on the aggressive jam or two to pump me up and for a time in the mid-aughts thought System of a Down was the best band in the world — but the heaviest music I play on the regular is the more hardcore leanings of Brand New’s later discography.

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Speed Metal Dating. Predictions of an outright sausage fest were also rampant on Facebook, and to be honest, I half-expected this to be the inconvenient truth. Us metalheads tend to be awkward in social situations. Why am I wasting my face muscles on you? It turned out to be my best decision of the night. Not only did I get a female perspective on Speed Metal Dating, but when Marisa and I eventually had our own speed date, we got to exchange stories.

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